5 Lies About Purity that Teenagers (especially girls) Believe

In today’s sex obsessed culture, teens are bombarded every day with messages about sex, sexuality, and how stupid it is to be a virgin. If a girl has never had sex with a guy, she is a prude, and a guy who is still a virgin at 18 is a wimp. Sex is your initiation into true adulthood (I can’t help but snicker at that one. When did that happen?). It will make you cool to all the guys/girls. Being pure is so lame, you’re missing out on all the fun! Sadly, many teens, including Christians, fall for these lies, allowing Satan to slowly but surely turn them to sin.

Before I continue, allow me to make a this clear: This post is in no way meant to judge people who have had sex outside of marriage. Everyone sins, including me. And according to God’s word, I have no place to judge those who are not Christians. I am called to love Non-Christians and show them God’s love so that they will turn from what they do. God forgives all sins, regardless of what it may be. So don’t think that I intend to judge anyone, EVER.

With so many lies flying around, purity has gained a stereotype and a stigma. Even to some Christian teens it seems like God might be a little behind the times. So here are lies about purity that teens believe, and the truth to combat them. (Be aware that this post is heavy on the snark and sarcasm; when I address the lie portion, it is sarcasm.) And another note: I plan on staying pure until marriage. This post is based off of the stories I have heard from other people around me.

Lie #1): Purity means missing out on all the fun! Unless you are having sex with someone, you apparently have a boring life. What must you do all day if not “doing the do” with your significant other… or not so significant other. I mean, surely there is nothing better to do with your time, like school, chores, hobbies, or… *gasp* spending time with your family?! Why, nothing is as exciting as sex, and your life will never be complete until you have done it! So you better find someone to do it with now before you die of boredom!

Truth #1): Staying pure enables someone to enjoy life to the fullest! Which sounds better?: Having sex with as many people as possible and dealing with guilt, fear of STDs, teen pregnancy, and the labels which ironically come from doing it? Or being single and focusing on friendships, school, hobbies, etc. or being in a physically pure relationship where you can focus on getting to know each other and grow closer as friends? I know the second option(s) sound far better to me. I don’t necessarily advocate teen dating however… but that’s for another post. Having sex as a teen exposes you to the risk of disease and teen pregnancy (and no matter how “safe” it is, many teens still deal with these things, so don’t think having “safe sex” will protect you). And the crazy thing is, girls are encouraged to have sex, but after they do it, they are labeled some pretty awful things that I refuse to type or say aloud. People who remain pure are able to enjoy friendships with the opposite gender, and are able to be involved in more stable relationships than those who don’t.

Lie #2): You need experience in order to have sex after you are married. Yeah, because there is no way that two people can possibly have sex for the first time after knowing each other for an extended period and actually enjoy it. I mean, why would you marry someone you haven’t had sex with?

Truth #2): Experience does not dictate the intimacy in a marriage. People have been waiting until marriage for centuries, and still enjoyed stable relationships and strong intimacy even though they waited. In fact, NOT waiting kind of takes away the point of getting married to that person. The only difference once you are married is that you will be sharing a house. I know this will be a hard pill to swallow for advocates of “sexual liberty”, but there is really no difference between having sex for the first time when you are dating, and having sex for the first time on your wedding night. Both will inevitably awkward and a learning experience. The only difference is that one is a meaningless act meant to get “experience” and the other is a special, sacred act that binds the two together in ways that only they and God can understand. And yes, I know that many people say that the first time while dating isn’t “meaningless”, but if you break up later on, and end up dating someone else, and do it with them, then yes, it is meaningless.

Lie #3): All the good guys will leave you behind if you wait. Yeah, because all the good guys have no aspirations to rise to a higher standard and show respect for a girl, because obviously a good guy would never date a girl who respects her body and reputation. A truly good guy won’t want to date a girl who says no.

Truth #3): All the TRULY good guys will respect you, and themselves, and will be looking for a girl with the same values they do. Oh sweet days of chivalry, knights in shining armor, and respect, how I long for thee. Seriously though. When did guys start deciding: “The only girls worth my time are the ones willing to give me everything”. Do guys really have that little respect for girls today? I know it’s rough ladies, waiting for a guy to come into your life who respects you. But don’t settle for less just to feel less lonely. There is a guy out there who will love you, respect you, and treat you like a true gentleman would treat a lady. You just have to ask God to grant you patience. I don’t even have temptations from other guys, and I still have to pray for patience! 🙂

Lie #4): You will give up your purity eventually, everyone does. Because there is not a single person out there who manages to keep their purity until marriage. All men and women are weak minded creatures who only have to be pushed a little bit to do things. You have no control over what you are going to do in the future, so you might as well have sex at some point just so you don’t delay the inevitable.

Truth #4): You choose whether or not to give up your purity, and many people have waited until marriage successfully. I know it seems like “everyone is/has doing it/done it, but truth is, there are many men and women out there who have waited until their marriage, and never gave in to temptation. Being in a right relationship with God, and having friends who support your morals, will help you to hold fast to what you believe in. If you ask any married person, they will tell you that the wait is totally worth it.

Lie #5): Giving up your purity makes you filthy, dirty, and unworthy. Yes, we will encourage you to have sex, but afterwards, you are filthy, dirty, and a whole host of other names. And don’t even think of going to church. You are totally unworthy of ever standing before Christ again. All those kids at youth group aren’t going to associate with such a filthy sinner.

Truth #5): God forgives every sin, and will cleanse everything. Giving up your purity does not make you less valuable to God, or to any good person. Everyone, every man, woman, and child on this planet has committed some kind of sin, and in God’s eyes, all sin is equal. And he forgives equally. And a person who follows God with all their heart will also understand that. Your value will not be diminished in their eyes, because of God’s blood shed to forgive all sins. All you have to do is ask for Him to cleanse you, and he will be faithful to do it.

So there you have it, five lies that teens believe. As a female, this was targeted more to girls, but these apply to everyone. Don’t ever doubt that God has something incredible in store for you. Don’t try to rush His plan for you. Wait patiently on His timing. And if you have given up your purity, don’t ever believe that you are unworthy. If you are saved by God’s grace, then all you have to do is ask Him for forgiveness. And if you do not know Christ as your savior, then all you have to do is ask him to enter into your heart, and He will cleanse every sin. God loves you, and cherishes you, and has a plan for you. Never forget that.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thatfeministhomeschooler
    Sep 10, 2014 @ 04:27:00

    Hey there! I’ve been an avid reader of your blog for awhile, but this post sparked some questions I wasn’t sure how to ask. If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to ask one question for now.

    One: I don’t understand your statement “Staying pure enables someone to enjoy life to the fullest!” I’ve seen plenty of people with healthy, consensual sex lives who aren’t married, yet continue their day to day activities and remain a functioning human being at school, etc.

    And then this statement:”Having sex with as many people as possible and dealing with guilt, fear of STDs, teen pregnancy, and the labels which ironically come from doing it? Or being single and focusing on friendships, school, hobbies, etc. or being in a physically pure relationship where you can focus on getting to know each other and grow closer as friends?”

    In my opinion, you’re generalizing everyone who has a consensual sexual relationship outside of marriage as people who sleep around with, well, everyone, instead of one partner. The whole polyamory thing is a different issue, but strictly speaking about monogamous consensual (but not marital) relationships, lots of people DO have monogamous sexual relationships and aren’t married. Maybe I’m just not reading this right, but it’s like you’re saying “people who have sex outside of marriage are going to have sex with EVERYONE.” Not everyone is like that. Some people have a sexual relationship, aren’t married, but are completely committed to each other. Not everyone wants to have sex with a eleventy bajillion people! (Plus, people in a sexual (not married) relationship can still focus on getting to know each other and grow closer!)

    Please tell me if I’m just reading this all wrong. Like I said, love the blog, but this post confused me a little.

    If you don’t mind, maybe I could ask you some more questions later about what purity means, if you had the time? (And felt comfortable answering them.)



    • lotrwritinggeek
      Sep 10, 2014 @ 07:53:10

      Hey there! Thank you for responding in such a respectable manner and asking those questions! While I would love to get into a deeper conversation, I also do not want to start a debate type thing. If you are following me on Twitter or something, you could totally message me there and we could talk more! And again, these things in the blog post are not meant to judge and are gleaned from speaking to fellow Christians, some of whom have had sex before marriage. Thanks again!



  2. Rachel-Elaine
    Sep 13, 2014 @ 17:48:56

    Agreed we do live in a sex obsessed world. Take a look at movies and television. By the way: found your blog on projectinspired.com.



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